I just don't get it. I try. I try so hard to be OPEN to be kind to people to change, and what the fuck? Just when I think I'm good with someone they tell me we're not okay. I don't understand. And my head hurts.
It isn't just one person. It isn't even the whole world. It's not anybody else; it's just me.
I just feel lost right now.
I'm just hurt. I'm hurt for a lot of reasons. And the people who hurt me don't mean to. And fuck, I don't mean to get hurt. I try not to let little things get to me but then they do and I wonder...what the hell is wrong with me?
I smile and feel good and I think I'm fine. I take my medicine, try to exercise, try to be positive.
And then I end up crying all the same.
- Mood:
confused
- Mood:
romantico :3
Yes, my creative genius is going again, wheeeee!
I'd like to thank my two greatest muses: Faith and History! Yes, that's right: Christian/theological fiction and historical fiction here I come! :3
I've been so dry for ideas for short stories for so long, and now ideas are just oozing out! I think it's mainly because of the fascinating ancient to middle ages period that we're entering into in my Western Civ class. That mix of Roman empire falling, Catholic church rising, Eastern Orthodox church rising...it's all so interesting.
And we started talking today about "The Rise of Islam," and it turns out this guy in the class was raised Muslim and went to Mecca as a kid! So he told us all about the Kabbah and the pilgrimage, and now Mecca has been added to the list of places I want to visit, along with Patmos Island, which is where John the apostle slept in a cave and wrote the book of Revelation. Of course, I want to visit Greece anyway. Along with Spain, Britain, Morocco, Laos, Japan, and Hawaii. I guess I love a lot of warm/tropical places.
- Mood:
optimistic
Item one: I am a busy girl. I need to get some more details in line for my Child Abuse Awareness project for the Rotaract club that's going to take place over the course of April and involves donations to the Safe Harbor shelter for abused women and children.
Item two: I have a date sunday. With a 23 year old graduate of USC Columbia (Bachelors of science in Business, seeking entrance to law school via the Navy Reserves); a Deist, pasta cooking, Frank Sinatra singing guy named Eric who thinks "geeky girls are always better."
Item three: I was elected the GVL Tech Rotaract College's Secretary for ANOTHER year, or at least, a semester anyway, upon being nominated by Mrs. Morris (who asked me in an email if I would run)
I feel appreciated. I feel needed. And I feel so damn glad that I ain't doin' shit tomorrah. Except maybe studying and working on several papers/projects.
I came home, it was six am. The door was locked so I kicked it in...
- Mood:
chipper - Music:Rehab (in my head)
Pray that they desperately need a cashier! :3
Went to the library earlier today and picked out Grendel by John Gardner, which I saw at Barnes and Noble and wanted to read. Yes, the main character is the demon from Beowulf. Is vair interesting.
- Mood:
chipper
- Mood:
contemplative
I just wanted to say a happy Christmas day to all of you and God bless you in the year ahead! I pray that he leads you through whatever situations you find yourself in. <33
So I saw I am Legend on Friday and it was actually a lot better than I thought it would be. It really was an "edge of my seat" deal.
Anyway, in honor of Bob Marley, I am posting ANOTHER one of his videos in this journal. :3 This one also features an adorable Jamaican child.
- Mood:
chipper
I feel like going totally retro for winter. I feel like pencil skirts, pumps, cute little tops to match and red lipstick. I don't know, I guess I just love how feminine 50s clothes looked.
The problem is that they're really not practical unless you work in an office. I mean, going around G-tech??? In pumps??? I would die. I mean, granted, all my classes will be in the UT building, I think, but still. Ouch much! If I get another work study job that might not be too bad though and think how that would screw with people's heads when they come into an office and I smile up at them all decked out in 50s gear. Fun fun! :3
I was just going to have my mom get me some new sneakers from Pac Sun (the ones I purchased earlier this year are now quite worn looking : / But only a few things I see on the Pac Sun site appease my retro desire and none of them are pumps.
Brown or black leather pumps might work with jeans, (witness!) if I got some new jeans, maybe waist high, since waist high is a little more retro. Also cute tops to go with...
I am now in the mood for some serious Chrimbo materialism.
Tomorrow: Rotaract club mixer with Katie <3 We're going to lunch at Wild Wings and then a movie. Yaaay Chrimmas!
- Mood:
good
Okay, so I just watched the first and third episodes of Buffy the vampire slayer (managed to find them on the internets for free :3) and now I actually want to watch more of the series. xD I am soooo nostalgic for the nineties now, because Buffy came out around the same time that the Animorphs books did. <333 Oh and Goosebumps! I think I still have one Goosebumps book somewhere too... Hee hee hee!
I am going to get the HP books somehow and Buffy episodes and relive all of the 90's to 2000's fads this Chrimbo.
I actually never even watched a full episode of Buffy before tonight and I'm actually enjoying it mainly because I just find it funny. I don't even know why; I guess the humor is just so campy that it's actually cute.
Yaaaaay.
Okay, but now I really need to study for my exam. :D
- Mood:
amused
Okay, I completely lost it when the glasses appeared on his face. xD
- Mood:
amused
Pseudo studying for Art History but I dont' really know what to study for. She said our exam would be "really easy," but I don't know exactly what's gonna be on it and this teacher is horrible about posting study guides. I mean, I'm looking for the study guide and Fabi no see. :(
But I looked at my grades in that class and now they're a B average for some mysterious reason! Yaaaay! :D
Searched the picture album for the "Fuck this I'm going to Hogwarts," group on Facebook and became horribly nostalgic earlier today. Methinks I must purchase books 1-6 (I only have 7 currently, lol. I borrowed all the other ones from the Library/other people when I wanted to read them) and have a Chrimmas reading fest. :3
- Mood:
bored
Soon there will be a new bill before the Senate. It's callled the "Violent Radicalisation and Homegrown Terrorism Prevention Act" This bill has already passed House at a 405 to 6 vote. It may interest you to know that the six who said "nay" were three Democrats and three Republicans.
This bill states that you can be arrested for ideologically based violence.
Quote: "‘...ideologically based violence’ means the use, planned use, or threatened use of force or violence by a group or individual to promote the group or individual’s political, religious, or social beliefs... "
This might sound positive, but how do they define "force??" What is "force??" Can passing out Bibles be "forcing" things on people? What about blocking off a KFC or any other building with a protest??? Or "planned use?" The actual use, or the planning??? Definitions can be twisted, especially definitions as loose as this one.
And how much sense does it make to possibly give up freedoms to secure them???
Leftist Article that brings up good points! There is also a link in the article where you can read the whole bill for yourself!
I've been posting this in a bulletin on Myspace. I've posted it like three times and I haven't seen anyone repost it and I wonder if people are even reading it. Because that shows that people are more interested in reposting garbage about "UR TRU LUV" with bullshit consequences like "BAD LUKK FOR A YEER!1" than their own freedom of speech to post such tripe!
- Mood:
annoyed
Not for people who actually like Ashlee Simpson.
- Mood:
amused
Essay is not finished.
I do not really feel ready for this exam.
Fan. Tastic.
- Mood:
annoyed
Christmas Elf Name
My Christmas Elf Name is

Get your Christmas Elf Name at JokesUnlimited.com
Yeaa aaaaaaaaaaaah. Kathy and me be chillan tonaight bai. <3333333 I lub joo Katheh. Come and rescue Fabbeh! >:D
Tonight I get to:
A) Meet the German! (OR, Kathy's foreign exhange buddy Tim ^ _ ^ )
and
B) Watch my first live Rocky Horror Picture show ever. :3
My mom has been offered a job teaching Spanish at a high school. It's funny - after all these years, after deciding to study nursing, after just completing PTC (patient care technician), she is just NOW able to use that "totally useless" BA in Spanish. (She was never certified as a teacher.) It's not until August that they want her to work though so she doesn't know if she wants to drop out of nursing yet. *shrug* I'm happy that she has an opportunity to teach though. She's been looking and praying for a solution to our financial issues, I know. Thanks God <3 Cheers, mate.
Yay British singers/vocabulary/Britishyness in general. That makes me miss my favorite Brit. <3 I haven't seen him on AIM or on lj much lately.
- Mood:
good - Music:We Get On - Kate Nash
I'm emailing it to my teacher today for like 5 pts off. :3 And I have to give her the hard copy tomorrow in class. *sigh* I also have a response to The Rape of the Lock by Pope due tomorrow in English. :P
*lazes about and avoids work*
- Mood:
because she is a huge slacker
So I finished my essays AT THE LAST POSSIBLE MINUTE before my classes today. *sigh* I finished my Art History test early so I had like, a random thirty minutes from heaven to work on the English essay. I think I still screwed up on the MLA format though, so yeah. Next semester I will definitely be making use of any and all writing labs.
It's hard to believe that I only have four more British lit class sessions left. : / And scary. I still need to read the first and fourth parts of Gulliver's Travels sometime during Thanksgiving break.
It really amazes me how things like Gulliver's Travels are made into cartoons and story books and marketed toward children when it originally started out as someone's political satire. A satire that most adults today probably don't even get. *shrug* It's just funny, when you think of all the fairy tales and kid's rhymes and then you wonder if anything from children's "culture" is really for children. But it's like, heck, they might as well be exposed to the raw original details of the fairy tales rather than the toned down Disney versions. I mean, they'll encounter gritty reality soon enough anyway. *stops rambling*
I am so growing out my hair after having seen The Invisible. I think the part where Annie yanks off the little black snow cap she wears most of the movie and her hair comes down while she's dancing just about did it for me. Seeing long curls flying around, I was like ; _ ; "I miss my long curly hair!" *whine* I was honestly blown away by just how pretty the actress is and I liked how little makeup she has on in the film. It made the tough girl act a lot more convincing.
Yes, my brain hurts. Time for maruchan and probably a nap or sims (lol).
- Mood:
cheerful
Finally working on my essays and no longer procrastinating. :P I'm working on the Art History research essay right now, just going through and analyzing the painting I chose. I blogged about it some time ago: The Last Vision of Jeanne d'Arc (1903) by Enoch Wood Perry, Jr. I've tried googling it and finding a picture but I can't so sorry. :( Perry is a pretty obscure painter even though I personally consider his work excellent. This is just a rough draft so I'm not too worried. It does have to be MLA format however, the details of which, once again, I'm not excited about working out. I hate writing MLA format papers and honestly, I think I need to read up a lot more about MLA format because I really struggle with it. *Sigh*
- Mood:
like procrastinating
